State of my mind…

Been trying to observe myself lately. First the “heart attack” incident, then I got a knee problem at the end of January, and really no idea what happened for both cases. With the help of my Apple Watch I tried to measure and collect as much data from it to try to figure out what’s wrong.

I think I can safely say that my health is certainly affected by my work at the moment. There’re too much going on, the problems, the troubles, the people… and being myself, I just couldn’t ignore most of it and kept thinking about them. That’s where everything crumbles. Heart rate rises, breathing becomes harder, headache strikes whenever I think about work, whenever I am working in the office, whenever I’m talking to the people in my office.

Stress? Pressure? Depression?

I don’t know, though I don’t think my problems are related to any of these, but I could be wrong. I wonder how much longer I can last like this. I’m in a state where if taking drug can relief my mind, I’m more than happy to go ahead and do it. At least I can stop thinking about all the problems and just be myself and think about myself for a moment.

Sigh… what a way to kickstart the year…

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