A little lost

Feeling a little lost lately. People around me has been asking me: “what are you going to do after graduating from your MBA?” It seems like everyone is expecting something from me… either a job change, a promotion, or perhaps starting my own business?

To be honest, I have no idea. There will not be any promotion happening any time soon. Will I be changing my job? Well, probably. Starting my own business? Not at the moment. I’m a little lost and can’t seems to figure out my next step. If I’m going to change my job, what role or industry do I wish to be in? I am yet to have the time to really sit down and think about it, and hence even me want to know the answer to it.

It brings back the memory of the old days when I felt lost about my future as well. Back when I was 17 years old, I was trying to decide whether to go for A level or local STPM; back when I was 20 years old, I was trying to decide which degree I should take; back when I was 24 years old, I was trying to decide which job I should apply for; and when I was 28 years old, I was pondering whether to continue to work in my home country or look for opportunities oversea.

Well, it happens, once in a while. Perhaps feeling lost is a good thing, at least i know that I’m trying to look for ways to better my life, to make a change, to keep moving. I’m glad that there are those who care about me, who wished me luck, who thanked me for what I had done so far in work. Hopefully I will manage to find my answer soon. Till then.

Sympathy, and the lack of

Disclaimer: This is a non-photography related post.

During a personality test that was conducted last year, I was being assessed as “lack of sympathy”. It triggered me to think why.

In real life, I do help out people who is in need, like joining charity work from time to time, helping the blind to cross the road and so on. I don’t think any of these can be done without sympathy.

In work though, it’s a little different. I am often being classified as “critical”, perhaps it sounds nicer than being “mean”, but that’s the way I feel best suited for workplace. We forge personal relations, but it should never be brought into work. We set clear direction, targets, small wins, and work for it to achieve them together. If you did well you earned a praise and reward, if you did poorly I will give you feedback and let’s work harder next time. If one is not performing, then one should leave the team and not to disrupt the flow.

In my company, although the office staff was specified with working hours to begin on 8am, there’s staff that came in at 9+am and yet no action was taken. When I comment on this, I was told that I’m being mean and not considerate. Really? People always give others “another chance” to do something right, even though the same mistakes had been repeated for multiple times. I would personally prefer to impose a certain level of warning or even punishment on the offender, and if repeating offence still occurs, off you will go. But this view is again classified as brutal for others.

For me, sympathy is given to those in need and really deserve it, and not for those who take things for granted. To a certain extent, we can be sympathetic at work, but there should be a limit to it. Perhaps I’ll never be a sympathetic person in work, I just can’t tolerate with excuses. Well, maybe I’m wrong, but this is my point of view at the moment. Do let me know if you have a different point of view on sympathy. Till then.

PERSONAL PROJECT: A BOOK ABOUT MYSELF

After much delay, I had finally completed another personal project of mine. This time around, this project is more on the words than the pictures. Initially I thought that I would like to reshoot all the pictures to make them relevant to the words written, but sadly I have to scrap the idea in the end as I simply do not have much time to do so.

Anyway, for those who is interested, you may find my new personal book here. This is a book with collection of passages, stories and thoughts of mine throughout the years. You may get to know me in person a little more by reading them (I guess…). Sorry that it was written in Chinese instead of English. Similar to my previous Japan Travel Photobook, I felt more comfortable in expressing myself in Chinese words than English.

That’s all for now. Hopefully I’ll have time to complete some other projects this year, though I do not really have any plan yet at the moment. Till then, thank you.

There goes January

What?

Yes, hello February. That was fast. January has been taxing for both my work and my study. Going through the Finance module was a pain for me as I have zero knowledge and zero interest on it. Even after reading through the materials, listening to the class lecture… I’m still pretty lost. Sigh. Workload has been heavy as usual at the start of the year, which should gradually become better when getting closer to March.

January has been rather uneventful overall, mainly were just work and studies. Didn’t really get to shoot actually, but I managed to process the rolls of film that I shot during my last trip in Bentong, Pahang, Malaysia. Every time when I scan and edit the film strips, I’ll keep asking myself: “Why the hell am I doing this…”, especially for the shots from Xpan, where I’ll need to crop each pictures manually and scan them accordingly, which is very troublesome. But this feeling was wiped off once I saw the result from the scan. It still amaze me whenever I saw the scan from an Xpan. I’ll share more about the trip in coming post.

Let’s hope February will be a good one. Till then.

State of my mind…

Been trying to observe myself lately. First the “heart attack” incident, then I got a knee problem at the end of January, and really no idea what happened for both cases. With the help of my Apple Watch I tried to measure and collect as much data from it to try to figure out what’s wrong.

I think I can safely say that my health is certainly affected by my work at the moment. There’re too much going on, the problems, the troubles, the people… and being myself, I just couldn’t ignore most of it and kept thinking about them. That’s where everything crumbles. Heart rate rises, breathing becomes harder, headache strikes whenever I think about work, whenever I am working in the office, whenever I’m talking to the people in my office.

Stress? Pressure? Depression?

I don’t know, though I don’t think my problems are related to any of these, but I could be wrong. I wonder how much longer I can last like this. I’m in a state where if taking drug can relief my mind, I’m more than happy to go ahead and do it. At least I can stop thinking about all the problems and just be myself and think about myself for a moment.

Sigh… what a way to kickstart the year…