In remembrance

It’s been more than 10 years… hope you are doing well.

There were too much tears and too much laughters.

But unfortunately, all things come to an end.

I’m living my life well, I guess.

It’s been awhile since I last saw you in my dream.

Perhaps that’s a sign that you have moved on too?

November has always been the month…

Where rain strikes, where emotion runs low.

I’ll be okay, I promised.

And may you rest in peace.

The constant change

I can still recall when I was young, I’m poor and can’t afford a lot of things. Despite frequently checking out on the latest technology related to PC, I still can’t own one. When finally there’s a PC in my home, I immediately stripped it off, look for things I can add to it to “enhance” it. Things like graphic card or audio card were easy target, but because I’m poor, I will settle for lower end stuffs and be happy with it.

As time passed by, I started working and at least I have a little more freedom financially. At this point of time, my mindset has changed a little. “Good enough” or “cheaper replacement” were no longer an option. If I’m going to buy something, it’s going to be “the best”, it’s going to be a complete package that I can just use out of the box. That’s the period where I will save hard to buy pricey items and gears.

Fast forward to now, something about me has changed once again. Do I still look for the best? Well, yes and no. Now it’s more important whether something can complement into my life or lifestyle than say… whether it’s the latest and the best. Now, more often than ever, I will think twice or thrice before making a purchase even though it’s something that I can afford. I wonder why, but I guess there’s something to do with myself, my mindset, as I aged, as I changed, as I lived, something within me has changed slowly and steadily.

When I look back and compare, it’s funny to see how I have changed so far. Am I getting better or worse? Well, I’m not so sure, perhaps only time will tell. Maybe this is part of my discovery journey to become a minimalist myself. Who knows?

A little lost

Feeling a little lost lately. People around me has been asking me: “what are you going to do after graduating from your MBA?” It seems like everyone is expecting something from me… either a job change, a promotion, or perhaps starting my own business?

To be honest, I have no idea. There will not be any promotion happening any time soon. Will I be changing my job? Well, probably. Starting my own business? Not at the moment. I’m a little lost and can’t seems to figure out my next step. If I’m going to change my job, what role or industry do I wish to be in? I am yet to have the time to really sit down and think about it, and hence even me want to know the answer to it.

It brings back the memory of the old days when I felt lost about my future as well. Back when I was 17 years old, I was trying to decide whether to go for A level or local STPM; back when I was 20 years old, I was trying to decide which degree I should take; back when I was 24 years old, I was trying to decide which job I should apply for; and when I was 28 years old, I was pondering whether to continue to work in my home country or look for opportunities oversea.

Well, it happens, once in a while. Perhaps feeling lost is a good thing, at least i know that I’m trying to look for ways to better my life, to make a change, to keep moving. I’m glad that there are those who care about me, who wished me luck, who thanked me for what I had done so far in work. Hopefully I will manage to find my answer soon. Till then.

The fear of “don’t know”

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People who act like they know everything and wanted to comment on everything… we will bump into this kind of people once in awhile, don’t we? Or perhaps we are one of them?

Looking back, I was once behaving like this as well in the older days. Fear of being left out, fear of missing out in the conversation, fear of being alienated, so I will talk and act like I knew about it when I wasn’t. There were times when I got by, there were times when I screwed up of course.

In the end, I reflected and thought: What for I need to feel the fear? If I don’t know about it, just ask, and then I will be able to learn more about it. The conversation will still continue. For things that I don’t know, I’ll try not to comment too much on it. 

The same goes to every other thing… be it work related, photography related or life related matters. The moment you acknowledged you “don’t know”, you emptied yourself to absorb more. Hence, there’s nothing to fear anymore. Just open up your heart and mind, and fill it up with knowledge you would have lost when you act like you knew.

Time management?

I can still recall when we wanted to do a group project, some of the members said they were not free because they need to complete other tasks first. And then you will see all sort of other reasons given when we were planning for a meeting. This happened all the time, and perhaps on you and me as well. We always complaint that we are busy, we do not have time to do this and that, but when you take a step back and see, where have you spent all your time on?

I used to play a lot of games on my phone when I’m commuting. In the end, I ended up having “no time” to read news or to do other things at night after work, no time to exercise, no time to read, no time to social with friends and so on. In the end, I decided to stop playing games on my phone all together, and suddenly I realized that I have spare time now to read books and news while I’m commuting.

I’m not saying you should stop playing mobile games just like me. My point is, everyone has the same 24 hours a day in our life, it’s up to us to decide what to do with it and stop making excuse for not doing it. For me, I chosen to drop mobile game because I realized that it brings no value to me other than entertainment, and I can easily get entertained while reading too. Furthermore, reading books will add more values to me by giving me different perspectives, learning new things and so on.

Back to the case of group project, so why others can manage their time better and make the commitment to spare time for the group work while some can’t do it? I wonder. But when things like this happened, it breaks the harmony and rhythm, which I found very disturbing. You need to be responsible for your action, especially those that will affect others.

I’m not a guru in time management, and I’m still working very hard and learning everyday. Hopefully one day I will stop saying “I’m too busy for this or that”.